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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Rat in the Engine

Sometimes, bad things happen. Like sometimes, you have to pay additional property taxes, or your dog eats through the kennel, or a rat eats the rubber tubing containing antifreeze in the engine of your husband's new truck. Some things are foreseeable, and some aren't.

But sometimes, good things happen, too. Sometimes cars which shouldn't make it through the summer are still drivable in the fall, and houses that can't afford to maintain exterminator services are still roach free despite all odds, and somehow, by the grace of God, the bills get paid.

Still, a rat in the engine? That's a new one for me.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Synonyms for Angry

Anger is often synonymous with: disappointment.

Anger is the cloak that these emotions wear so the heart can retain its pride.
I am often angry when I am nervous and things are not going my way.
What about you?                                           
Why are you angry?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

How I can bear living in the world day by day

If there was no God,
no meaning, no hope,
this world would be a graveyard.
Eat, drink, be merry, for all the world's in pain
and there is no tomorrow but death. 

When you work where I work and see what I see
(which is not the worst of things, by any means)
Faith is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

If I did not believe in a loving God with a plan,
then the pain I see everyday would be too much to bear,
and I would sink into meaninglessness to escape.

I once heard a story of a golden prince who never saw poverty, 
sadness, or pain, until it was too late.
I was so sheltered, like that prince,
so safe in my loving cocoon. I did not know, 
could not know, 
that life could hurt so bad. 

So now, you ask, how do I keep my faith?
If I did not have my faith, I would have nothing.
If I did not have my faith, there would be no reason
to get up every morning and try. 

But I believe that God is there-
and He sees and cares,
so much more than I ever can,
for the children in His hands-
so I pray for them, and cry for them,
and leave them there with Him-
I can persevere because I believe in His plan. 

He will return and make all things new,
He will return and end all pain.
He is the source of hope and life, thunder and rain,
all Good things,
even for those who don't, and never will, call on His name. 

Aunt Shelly

I'm gonna be an aunt again in June! My brother and his wonderful wife Meghan will be having a baby in June!!! Well, Meghan will be doing more of the work, but it's theirs together:). I'm so proud of them!!!!

Boundaries and Worship

Two trains of thought I have wanted to commit to the screen. They are unrelated but I will put them together anyways since they have been running on parallel tracks.

Boundaries- written on the eve of deciding to take home a THIRD rescue animal. Yes, I am crazy.

I used to think I had boundaries,
lines in the sand that were imperceptibly drawn with my childish wisdom.

But now, your big brown eyes look into mine and I cannot look away.
You are costly, there is no room for you, and I have already given to two others who take up my day.
But I cannot abandon you to certain death- so some boundaries give way,
and I am going to take you home with me, no matter what people say.

And now for something completely different:

The Total Involvement of Heavenly Worship.

I realized something as I poured out my heart in worship on Sunday. I was enthralled by the image of worshipping the lamb of God after the resurrection, singing out with my fellow believers in the multitude, and I finally figured out WHY we won't be bored.

Bored, you ask? What made you think you'd be bored?
Well, in human form, the idea of singing for an eternity sounds, well, boring, doesn't it? Like I would wonder, when will this be over? Is it time for lunch yet? Ouch, I have a cramp in my leg- will He notice if I sit down?

But when we worship in heaven as believers, our eternal forms will be 100% engaged. There will be no tired feet, no additional mental track to veer us off course, no wishing we were doing something else or counting the time. Every fiber of our heavenly bodies will be wrapped up in what they are made for, the worship of the Lamb. And it will be glorious and we will never grow weary or bored because we are doing exactly what we are made for, unlike now, where we do tons of stuff we aren't made for and have to work and try to be what we are supposed to be, servants of the Most High God.

Perhaps you are thinking, I already knew that, Carolyn. Well good for you:).

Friday, October 15, 2010

Have you driven a truck lately?

I have been driving my husband's truck this weekend since he has been out of town (he is coming back tonight, squeal!!!). If you have never driven a truck, I suggest you try it. At first, it was cumbersome, like driving a boat around town. I had to get used to its size and power. But now, after a week, I have found that the vantage point is fantastic. I can see everything going on, and I am bolder in my movements because I can trust the truck to accelerate quickly and I know that other drivers will let me pass because I am in a big vehicle.

It reminded me of the studies that suggest that taller people (especially taller men) are generally more dominant, more forceful, and command more respect due to their height.

One thing we talk about a lot in psychology (in fact, its the entire theoretical basis of many theories) is that viewpoints are SUBJECTIVE. This means that people that drive big trucks will percieve the world differently than people that drive flashy sportcars, or people who drive decade old Saturns that overheat if it climbs past 85 degrees outside.

So my recommendation, if you feel low or unassertive- get a truck. Drive it around. You will feel big and strong and find yourself a little more in control. At least, until you get back to the office.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


I have been inspired by my sister, who is an aspiring writer (Check out her work at My Mother Thinks I'm a Good Writer, to write a short story. I hope she likes it, since she is the star.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Am I too much of a child for you?

I like cartoons, and zoos,

and dress-up parties, too-

am I too much of a child for you?

I like pop rocks and bright socks

and Mario Brothers, too-

am I too much of a child for you?

Or do you like those things, too?

If you do, can I play with you?
I wrote this little poem because I often feel constrained to be more mature in my interests than I would like to be. Everything is work, work, work, responsibility, rat race, blahblahblah....I sometimes feel like I have to pretend to be an adult when I'm really just a kid inside. A funny admission from a kid who just wanted to grow up through most of her childhood. I wanted to be a grown-up so bad. Now I find I don't really like a lot of grown up things. I don't like grown-up TV shows. Those usually involve murder and drama. I don't care for grown up novels- too much sex and violence on the written page. I don't like grown up movies for the same reasons. I don't always like grown-up clothes, either, because they make me feel boring.
So would that bother you, to find out your therapist is really a kid at heart? Does a therapist have to be stodgy and mature to do the job? I sure hope not. If so, like Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins', I'd rather go fly a kite.
"Let's go fly a kite,
Up to the highest height!

Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear

Oh, let's go fly a kite!"
(Mary Poppins)


The tantalizing, crisp, juicy, dream of a weekend
hovers  in my mind-
so many adventures to go on,
so many things to find-
Picnic days and parties and balloons-
hayrides, farmer's markets, and trips to the moon-
lemon curd, lazy days, laundry and more
What could this weekend have in store?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

What's My Motivation?

I attended a fabulous training on Motivational Interviewing yesterday. For folks who don't know therapist lingo, Motivational Interviewing is a strategy of treatment based on helping the client find their own motivation for change, as opposed having change imposed upon them by the system, society, their family, etc. What I like about this kind of treatment is that it is NICE. What I mean by that is that unlike some treatment strategies, it's not my job to call a client out or become another branch of the governing agent who sent my client to the clinic. There is nothing I hate more that being told, "well, why didn't you just tell her she was wrong? Why didn't you confront her?" The answer is, I don't like telling people what to do (at least, I don't like telling strangers what to do- my family is another story!). I like the idea of letting them tell me what they want, and helping them figure out what behaviors will help them reach their goal and which are getting in the way- even figuring out what they want in the first place, because sometimes that's the piece that's missing.

Some notable motivational interviewing questions include:

"So, what do you enjoy about ________________?"
"What has __________ cost you?"
"What would have to happen to let you know that the ______ is a problem?"
"How important would you say it is for you to change?"
"If you decided to change, how confident are you that you could do it?"
"Have you ever considered....?"

Using questions like these, we can help the client dredge of their own motivation to make changes, which is much more powerful and effective in the long term.

So what about you? What's your motivation?