I hate making mistakes. I hate admitting I can't do things well, or that I forget important information, or forgot to listen to it in the first place. When I accidently go to the wrong restaurant, or get on the train instead of the bus, or get lost walking down the street, or lock my keys in my car, or forget to sign important documents, or pay a bill with the wrong credit card...I feel like I have no safety net. If I can screw up at any given moment, what's to stop me from destroying my life or doing damage at my job? Whats to stop me from hurting myself or someone else?
These fears leave me feeling angry at myself for being less than perfect, and horrified whenever I make a mistake. I have sometimes been called a "perfectionist" by people who didn't know me very well, which is funny to me, since Sandy is the perfectionist, but there is something similar to it. I have trouble with this whole "you are flawed" message. As a Christian, I know that we are all flawed and imperfect, but that is supposed to apply to everybody else, not me. The trouble with this belief is that it makes me very unhappy. Whenever I make a mistake, which is everyday, I feel sick, angry, defiant, and scared. I'm tired of feeling this way. I am trying to accept my own imperfections, not because they are okay, but because I have to find a way to deal with them- they aren't going anywhere!!!