Letting Go

My apologies for radio silence over the last few weeks- I was much busier experiencing my life than commenting on it! I attended a fabulous retreat with other Minister's Wives weekend before last that I am still processing. While I was there, God spoke to me about growing closer to him. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am struggling with giving up my idea of how my life should go. I had an idea for my life involving discretionary income, freedom from debt, and free time that has not panned out as well as I had hoped since I have been out of school. I have had to wait on dreams of travel, mobility, and daily adventures due to the demands of "real life" and the cost of living , especially with student loan and credit card debt lying around and causing problems. I also had ideas about when and how my family would be formed and when and how my home would be remodeled and when and how I would have awesome hobbies which would be good to talk about at dinner parties. 

While at my retreat, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am grieving the ideas I had of how my life was "supposed" to go. Now I have an awesome life, please don't misunderstand me. I have an amazing husband, 3 obnoxiously wonderful dogs, a house, family and friends, and a church family who we love and who  loves us back. God has blessed us exceedingly!!! But He also isn't letting me have everything the way I want it, and some of the things I want, like being able to start a family and getting out of debt, feel like they are coming along tortuously slow. I have a mentality about my life and what is important in it that is different than's God idea of what is important in it.  


So here it is God, my life. I know you have better plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope for the future. So its yours. Only I need your power to pray, like Mary: "I am the handmaiden of the Lord" and choose to serve You in your ways, not in the ways I think you should.