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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Letting Go

My apologies for radio silence over the last few weeks- I was much busier experiencing my life than commenting on it! I attended a fabulous retreat with other Minister's Wives weekend before last that I am still processing. While I was there, God spoke to me about growing closer to him. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am struggling with giving up my idea of how my life should go. I had an idea for my life involving discretionary income, freedom from debt, and free time that has not panned out as well as I had hoped since I have been out of school. I have had to wait on dreams of travel, mobility, and daily adventures due to the demands of "real life" and the cost of living , especially with student loan and credit card debt lying around and causing problems. I also had ideas about when and how my family would be formed and when and how my home would be remodeled and when and how I would have awesome hobbies which would be good to talk about at dinner parties. 

While at my retreat, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am grieving the ideas I had of how my life was "supposed" to go. Now I have an awesome life, please don't misunderstand me. I have an amazing husband, 3 obnoxiously wonderful dogs, a house, family and friends, and a church family who we love and who  loves us back. God has blessed us exceedingly!!! But He also isn't letting me have everything the way I want it, and some of the things I want, like being able to start a family and getting out of debt, feel like they are coming along tortuously slow. I have a mentality about my life and what is important in it that is different than's God idea of what is important in it.  

So here it is God, my life. I know you have better plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope for the future. So its yours. Only I need your power to pray, like Mary: "I am the handmaiden of the Lord" and choose to serve You in your ways, not in the ways I think you should.


  1. I went to a Ladies luncheon and the speaker was so inspiring. Talk about your life not going the way it should. She told the story of how her daughter's son who was a youth pastor and brought many kids to Christ. He went to her daughter one day and told her he did not believe in God and wanted a divorce.
    She and her daughter were devastated. Has been a really hard time for all of them. Anyway she said to keep a diary when you read the Bible everyday and to personalize whatever you read. I've started with the Old Testament and am amazed at how many questions I have come up with! My Mom says to move to the New Testament but so far I've been fascinated with Genesis.
    Must be hard for you waiting for things to happen. Dave is supposed to finish college too isn't he? More school bills. :(
    I love you pretty little niece.
    Hope you have a wonderful Summer (even though you have to work everyday).
    Aunt Susie

  2. Thank you for commenting on my blog:)! Sounds like an awesome luncheon. I am reading through the Bible in much the same way right now, I'm currently in Exodus. Not journaling super well, but working on it. It IS hard to wait- I am always surprised that I haven't learned how to handle these things yet. But every hurdle comes at me freshly as though I have never faced it before. I wish I had a better learning curve! But there I go, being impatient again. I am so grateful for the verses in the Bible that talk about God's strength being glorified in my weaknesses. This is reassuring because weakness is usually all I've got to give. I have recently been trying to give all my bad feelings to God, too- sometimes they are hard to let go of. I find it comforting to know he already bore them all on the cross and I needn't hold onto them.