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Thursday, July 14, 2011

New Diet Plan: Bite Your Tongue!

The White One is the Crazy One
This is the new diet plan I discovered yesterday evening. So far its working more effectively than any diet I've tried in the last year.

Step 1: Acquire a giant, crazy, jumping dog.
Step 2: Engage giant, crazy, jumping dog until, in a fit of wild enthusiasm, she runs toward you and, in mid- jump, rams the bony part of the top of her head into your jaw so that your teeth slam onto both sides of your tongue, resulting in bloody, gnarly gouges.
Step 3. Go to sleep after receiving appropriate medical attention.
Step 4: Wake up and attempt to consume a solid breakfast. Experience the PAIN.
Step 5: Quickly decide that liquids are a better option until your tongue heals.
Step 6: Feel weight drip off with every rumbling of your tummy.

How long does it take a tongue to heal, I wonder? Hopefully not long! I'm getting very very hungry.


  1. OUCH! That is horrible, Carolyn. Ladybug hurts me sometimes, too, without meaning to. Did you do anything to the dog or were you able to resist reacting? I once punched Ladybug in the face for hitting me. It was just sort of a gut reaction. What else are you supposed to do when they slam their bodies against you and cause you great pain?

  2. That time I was too shocked and surprised to do anything, especially since my husband was there and he looked like he thought the dog was attacking me, so I mainly reacted by saying, "she didn't mean it, she's okay." But I try to be stern with her most of the time, because I'm concerned one day she might accidentally hurt a kid or something due to her size and hyperness.