Feeling Restless Again

The endless bureaucracy of red tape that plagues health care, especially mental health care, leads me today to feel shackled and burdened down. If you'll remember, the key to checks and balances is that at the end of the day, people don't accomplish much in any direction. This is good when controlling a government, but stressful when trying to provide proactive quality care to my clients. I harken back to the principals of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and I ask, if I'm unable to accomplish the basics of my job, like notewriting, keeping in touch with clients, and completing assessments, how I can I accomplish the big tasks, like client advocacy, family integration, and learning truly good technique? Its hard to learn how to swim when all I have energy for is staying afloat. These feelings led me to compose some prose during a meeting this morning where I learned about a variety of things I should be doing to prepare for our next audit.

Here's one:
I dream of a place where, unfettered,
my soul may inhale, unravel, and be calmed.
Free from messy confusion, vague criticisms, and
the jangled clashing watercolors of my day to day career.

As my head swims with the garish details of redtape bureaucracy,
I know things must be simpler somewhere.
There must be a place where peace and tranquility are fertilized and birthed.

I hope and pray that this side of heaven I'll find a place where my soul can grow.

And another:
The longing in my heart for change has many origins. Some are simply the human characteristic of restlessness, laziness, and apathy that I battle. Others are distinct to my soul, which yearns for success as a creature of light, desiring to rise above the sham, drudgery, and broken dreams of our still beautiful world.
My soul withers in this Catch-22, where I give too much but it is somehow never enough-
Oh that I could soar and be free!