Custom Search

Friday, July 30, 2010

Weakness and Mistakes

I hate making mistakes. I hate admitting I can't do things well, or that I forget important information, or forgot to listen to it in the first place. When I accidently go to the wrong restaurant, or get on the train instead of the bus, or get lost walking down the street, or lock my keys in my car, or forget to sign important documents, or pay a bill with the wrong credit card...I feel like I have no safety net. If I can screw up at any given moment, what's to stop me from destroying my life or doing damage at my job? Whats to stop me from hurting myself or someone else?
These fears leave me feeling angry at myself for being less than perfect, and horrified whenever I make a mistake. I have sometimes been called a "perfectionist" by people who didn't know me very well, which is funny to me, since Sandy is the perfectionist, but there is something similar to it. I have trouble with this whole "you are flawed" message. As a Christian, I know that we are all flawed and imperfect, but that is supposed to apply to everybody else, not me. The trouble with this belief is that it makes me very unhappy. Whenever I make a mistake, which is everyday, I feel sick, angry, defiant, and scared. I'm tired of feeling this way. I am trying to accept my own imperfections, not because they are okay, but because I have to find a way to deal with them- they aren't going anywhere!!!


  1. Does it help to know that no one else really cares when you make a mistake? I find that that helps me. I think, "does anyone else remember that?" and most of the time I realize I'm the only person who does, so then I forget about it, and voila- the mistake is gone! Like today when I drove the school van on top of the tether ball tire and Neil had to come help me. That was lovely.

  2. HEHEHE! You need to write a humorous story about that- that is fantastic.
    It does help that most of the time, no one really cares. Unfortunately, sometimes I cost our company hundreds, even thousands of dollars, and then they do care, they care very much.